The Love Chapter: A few questions for the Ladies

I want to clarify this question because details are missing…first let me say and if possible you do a little research on your own about sexless marriages, they do exist…on both ends…wife stopped having sex with husband…husband stopped having sex with wife. This question requires you to think outside of black and white areas; look at what is gray everything is not black and white…My clarification for the ladies is…the husband you stopped having sex with has not under any circumstances done anything to cause you to do so. You became uninterested in sex…life, career, children, whatever the reason maybe. He hasn’t been abusive, he has been supportive, he has waited patiently, he has tried to help whatever the situation is…he’s been there. He loves you but you have been absent from the marriage sexually for several years(let’s say 5 years).

ORIGINAL Question below…

This is for women in monogamous relationships especially married women. If you stop having sex with your husband and there is nothing medically wrong with you; why would you expect him to remain faithful? Also if he does see someone else why would you get mad? What do you expect to happen?

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7 responses to “The Love Chapter: A few questions for the Ladies

  1. I don’t really believe these women you describe exist, nor do the exceptions account for the prevalence of cheating even assuming your theory is true. But let’s just say I did that (I didn’t, in fact I’ve never said no to him, ever, rather I have the higher sex drive)… Yes I expect him to be faithful. If he’s not happy he should speak up, maybe think about WHY his wife isn’t wanting sex, is he treating her badly (my guess is yes!) and if necessary get counselling. If that all fails he can leave. It’s that simple. Nothing one spouse does, not even physical a use which I would never condone, justifies cheating. The funny thing is women in domestic violence situations rarely cheat. And they have the nearest thing to a defence! Go figure.

  2. “…read the responses from the question to the Fellas.” …Exactly the PROBLEM! What do you expect a cheater to do, tell the truth? They have to justify their wrong, and trick dumb women into thinking their ‘special’. She’s telling the truth, these women don’t exist.
    “…why would you expect him to remain faithful?”…COMMITMENT! You don’t stray because of sex anymore then if your mate is a bad cook, or sucks at house cleaning. It’s out of bounds.
    “…if he does see someone else why would you get mad?”…Because he didn’t LEAVE first! 1+1 is still 2, right?…If she wanted to share a man with another woman, then she’d be a side-piece herself. Most women find that demeaning and disgusting.
    “…what do you expect to happen?”…She expects him to man-up. Who said SHE was 100% happy? If he wants out, she needs to be the 1st to know. If he wants to screw other women, she should be the 1st to know. She has a right to know what’s happening in her life, so she can decide what’s best for HER! It’s not only about him and his wants/needs.

    • Y. Badazz…It’s not true there are women (and men) who stop being intimate with their partners for many reasons(I’m not speaking on those that are selfish and they have no reason at all)…some spouses remain faithful through it all some have weak moments(male or female)…they are human and flawed by nature. Sex is very important in many relationships, cooking not so much. If she is not 100% happy (which no one is 100% happy in a relationship) but if she isn’t then maybe she should leave because she doesn’t want to live up to his expectations. It’s not all about her either…it’s a give and take on both ends and they both should be communicating and being truthful with each other, they are both adults.

      • Maybe I should clarify. You asked a question directed at women. A woman responded, and you dismissed her answer, in favor of what men say/said. You didn’t even touch the rest of her statement, or mine for that matter. You prefaced a question to women, with a ready made defense of the indefensible…hmm.

        I took your advice though. Did a little research, and discovered that up 20% of marriages are sexless. Yet 70% of married me cheat on their wives. And the cherry on top…56% of married men who cheat say they are happy in their marriage! Of course they don’t tell the side-piece that, but its obvious since they rarely leave their wives for the other woman when the affair is discovered. I’m sure the percentage of side-piece’s who discover they’ve been fed lies, lies, and more lies, is through the roof!

        “My clarification for the ladies is…the husband you stopped having sex with has not under any circumstances done anything to cause you to do so. You became uninterested in sex…life, career, children, whatever the reason maybe. He hasn’t been abusive, he has been supportive, he has waited patiently, he has tried to help whatever the situation is…he’s been there. He loves you but you have been absent from the marriage sexually for several years(let’s say 5 years).”

        My clarification for your question is…Lack of sex, being non-abusive, or any of that other crap is grounds for cheating. Cheating is NEVER okay! If you have unresolved issues in your marriage, either address them and try to make it work…if you want to stay in the marriage, or be an adult and LEAVE. If you can’t keep your vows, leaving would be an act of love wouldn’t it? The problem with cheating is that it never solves problems, it creates more. If there are children involved, its that much worse.

        “Sex is very important in many relationships, cooking not so much.”

        Sex is supposed to enhance your relationship. If a relationship is based primarily on sex, then that relationship is lacking a solid foundation, and will eventually collapse. We don’t marry for sex, why let sex rule the relationship? And you missed the “it doesn’t matter his excuse, nothing makes his cheating okay or understandable” with the cooking thing.
        “…maybe she should leave because she doesn’t want to live up to his expectations.”

        Jeez…Maybe she should leave? What about him? Why won’t HE just leave?!! He’s the one sneaking around right?…(palm slaps forehead)!!
        Who said she “doesn’t want to live up to his expectations”?…the Cheater right?…Who said she’s not living up to his expectations now?…the Cheater right?…Who said anything the Cheater told side-piece about wifey is even true?…the Cheater right?…LOL!!

        “…It’s not all about her either…it’s a give and take on both ends and they both should be communicating and being truthful with each other, they are both adults.”

        Who said it was? A marriage is between husband and wife, and when one or the other decide to break their vow to their spouse, they’ve made it all about them. That is, has always been, and will always be WRONG! The other spouse deserves to know the truth. Some people have open marriages, and could care less about fidelity. In those cases both parties know whats happening in their marriage and so it’s not cheating.

  3. Y. Badazz you’re right I did ask some questions directed at women. I hadn’t responded yet because I was trying to allow more comments before I added my two cents. I was opening this up for discussion because I think it needs to be discussed and everyone that can speak on it needs to be heard. I’m not in favor of either side. I just want there to be a conversation. It’s important to be had because it seems that marriage and the whole idea of it has been misconstrued. Men withhold sex from there wives as well and women cheat on their husbands too.They do this disregarding how the other will feel. It is a selfish, inconsiderate act and it causes alot of hurt and pain. Another reason why I asked the questions is because I know of a few marriages that this is happening in 2 of which it is the women with holding and 3 of which it is the men with holding. I haven’t got around to asking the Fellas another question because I haven’t gathered everything I want to ask…but it’s coming. In my opinion for what it’s worth it’s wrong. I believe once you marry someone that’s when the hard work of maintaining the relationship begins. The relationship needs to be nurtured everyday; a marriage is as fragile as a plant. I find in our society today people don’t want to put in the work it takes to maintain the union. The common statement is “If it doesn’t work than we can get a divorce”. I believe if you’re unhappy with a relationship you are in you should communicate and be honest. There should never be an affair to add to the mix. Whomever is not happy should leave and file for divorce, there is grounds for divorce for not having sex with your spouse. That would be in a perfect world for me and maybe others but not the norm. So unfair on either end honestly.

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