The Love Chapter: A few questions for the Fellas

Clarification for the question…

Fellas in sexless marriages/relationships…instead of putting up with not having sex with your wife/girlfriend…why did you stay? Instead of  leaving why did you choose to step outside of the marriage/relationship? As adults we do have a rite of passage we can say or do anything we want to say and do. So if you’re not satisfied with the situation in your marriage/relationship why continue to be unsatisfied? Especially those husbands that are supportive and loving and have just waited for her to change her mind and before you knew it you were having an affair.

 

ORIGINAL question below…

Men in monogamous relationships especially married men…when it comes to sex an intimacy why not communicate your needs to your wives? Why not make it more enticing and tempting for her to want to give you what you’re longing for instead of seeking it else where? Are you really arrogant enough to think that she doesn’t know what you’re doing and arrogant enough to think that she believes you when you say you’re not being unfaithful? Why not be open and honest about yourself and who you truly are? Maybe then you would be more appealing and worthy of her desire.

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9 responses to “The Love Chapter: A few questions for the Fellas

  1. I know this question is supposed to be for the guys, so forgive me for weighing in. I am married, but have a male friend (Only a friend..I have been faithful for all 22 years I’ve been married) who just got divorced because his wife withheld. He says he communicated until he was blue in the face. She didn’t care. He decided just being honest and leaving was better than cheating.
    I agree with him 100 percent. I wish more people would just be honest and move on instead of cheating.

  2. I agree with Michelle’s POV. I’ve been married for just under 19 years. When there started to be problems shortly after getting married, I communicated with my wife right away. I was made to feel like I was a weirdo because I wanted to make love with my wife. That led to the first of several extramarital affairs. My wife and I are finally on the same page in our relationship and look forward to our “happily ever after” but only after open and honest communication. She has admitted that she could’ve handled things better, and I have admitted that if I was that unhappy, I should’ve left instead of being unfaithful. It’s all about BOTH parties being willing to communicate.

  3. For some reason comments are not showing up in the app. But I read them online. Yeah, I still don’t really believe it. I think either he’s behaving in a way that makes her not want him or else he’s going about it the wrong way (treating it like a right, her like property etc). There’s a reason it’s still rape when you’re married, because she has a right to say no. What you’re basically saying is she doesn’t have that right, she’s property. That said, I know of no woman who would say no consistently if she was treated lovingly in the rest of her life. Really.

    • Nephila: In my personal situation is was how the marriage itself was viewed by my wife. She saw getting married as the “goal” and once she had a husband, she didn’t need to do the things that attracted the husband. According to her, sex was something that was no longer the priority that it was when we were dating. Now there was career, house work, parenting…all of that came first, so she was always “too tired” or “not in the mood” for sex. So, in my case, my wife regularly said no because of her personal method of prioritizing.

      • Yeah well a) she shouldn’t have to “do” stuff if you love *her* not what she does. What if she was suddenly a paraplegic after the wedding? No more sex, no lingerie, no trying to attract you. So what? It says you were in it for your ego not for love is what it says. B) let’s just assume you’re right, which I don’t believe, and you “communicated” your dissatisfaction. So what? You still should leave if you’re THAT miserable not cheat. It’s still indefensible and based on you feeling “entitled” as I said. Your response reinforces this opinion. You keep giving what you think are justifications. But it only makes you sound more entitlement focused.

        I’ll give you an example of verifiable and indefensible behaviour: physical violence.

        I would never condone someone hitting their spouse. But it would still never justify cheating. Nor would cheating justify physical violence. There is justification. That’s what it means to use the entitlement defence. You think it’s ok because… And it just isn’t. Not to mention that a cheater will always paint themselves as the victim until or unless there’s deep remorse. You aren’t showing any.

      • Nephila…men want sex…it’s just that simple when they marry they expect to have sex and have it frequently… That is one of the many reasons for marriage to be able to have sex legally and frequently(especially for a man) and it is his wife’s responsibility.
        Also…I have not mentioned abuse and I’m not addressing abuse…I’m addressing sexless marriages.

      • Yeah, I’m not really believing them though. All the men I’ve ever dated were not animals purely driven by their biology and would get that context is everything. And all the women I can think of complain they don’t get enough sex from their husbands (but would never cheat because of that!) I realise that the men only want sdx and all the time is the stereotype. It’s very unflattering to them and I think unfair. Men are smarter than that. But hey if they’re cheating and want an excuse the stereotype is handy.

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